Flyghumor hittad på nätet.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last …
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105×7480274
svar
A story from a friend in BA. He was overflying Aden, and saw an Aeroflot freighter climbing out.
Heavily accented voice on frequency: “Hey, English, you used to have Aden?”
BA: “Yes, we did. Why?”
HAV: “Ve have had to overnight there, and you can have it back!”
P:.Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.
S:Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.
P:Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine.
S:Engine run for three hours. Noise now familiar.
P:Pilot’s clock inoperative.
S:Wound clock.
P:Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
S: Pilot removed from aircraft.
P:No2 ADF needle runs wild. [ADF = Automatic Direction Finder/Finding?]
S:Caught and tamed No2 ADF needle.
P:Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
S:Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
P:Three roaches in cabin.
S:One roach killed, one wounded, one got away.
P:No2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S:No2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
questions and answers
Q: What separates flight attendants from the scum of the earth?
A: The cockpit door!
Q: What is the difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining at the gate
Q: Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ?
A: Did you ever fly with Alitalia ?
Q: What is the ideal Airbus cockpit crew? …….
A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Q: How do you know if there is a pilot at your party?
A: He’ll tell you.
Lol!
Världsklass!
