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Flyghumor hittad på nätet.

Tråden startades av Skrattar Artigt!

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
———————————————————————-
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last …
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105×7480274

Publicerad den 2013-07-18 19:56
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Skrattar Artigt!
2013-07-19 18:21

A story from a friend in BA. He was overflying Aden, and saw an Aeroflot freighter climbing out.
Heavily accented voice on frequency: “Hey, English, you used to have Aden?”
BA: “Yes, we did. Why?”
HAV: “Ve have had to overnight there, and you can have it back!”

Skrattar Artigt!
2013-07-19 17:49

P:.Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.
S:Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.

P:Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine.
S:Engine run for three hours. Noise now familiar.

P:Pilot’s clock inoperative.
S:Wound clock.

P:Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
S: Pilot removed from aircraft.

P:No2 ADF needle runs wild. [ADF = Automatic Direction Finder/Finding?]
S:Caught and tamed No2 ADF needle.

P:Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
S:Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

P:Three roaches in cabin.
S:One roach killed, one wounded, one got away.

P:No2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S:No2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Skrattar Artigt!
2013-07-18 22:19

questions and answers

Q: What separates flight attendants from the scum of the earth?
A: The cockpit door!

Q: What is the difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining at the gate

Q: Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ?
A: Did you ever fly with Alitalia ?

Q: What is the ideal Airbus cockpit crew? …….
A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

Q: How do you know if there is a pilot at your party?
A: He’ll tell you.

Bojjan
2013-07-18 20:58

Lol!

Världsklass!

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